Laughs, Love, and Lessons from a Faith-Filled Decade - 10 years of wifery

Time flies when you are adulting, and let me tell you, these past ten years of marriage have been a rollercoaster of joy, faith, growth, wonder, and laughter. As I look back on this adventure, I'm filled with gratitude for the incredible journey the husband and I have ridden.

We met at Lower Kabete Campus, UON in 2008, and I think we clicked instantly. First, because we enjoyed talking about our faith, and second, because I was just irresistibly cute and chatty 😊. Fast forward to 2012, we finally started dating, and by September 2014, we decided to jump the broom on a rainy day. Yes, we literally jumped over puddles to get to the altar! It was like a romantic comedy with a splash of rain – quite literally
Then came NDOA, and my greatest desire was to be ONE, in the literal sense of it. I imagined us praying together always, reading the Bible together always, driving to work together, driving back home together after work, visiting our families together... basically, everything together. But then reality hit me like a ton of bricks. Turns out, he's an evening person, and I'm a morning person. Our togetherness, especially in praying and Bible reading, was not together-ring 😒. Hanging out together all the time started to feel like being stuck in a never-ending episode of a reality show. I suddenly found myself wanting time away from this husband of my youth! Picture this: me, sneaking out of the house like a ninja, just to get a moment of peace. Who knew that "together forever" could sometimes feel like "together too much"?

Kidogo kidogo…..we navigated this togetherness madness and learnt that it is perfectly okay to give each other space, but to be very intentional in reconnecting many times to pursue ONENESS. Being the chatty one, I always share my thoughts, ideas, fears, frustrations, office gossip, with the husband, and this forces him to listen and share his nothing box with me. Also, praying together in our house is a must, but unlike most families, we make it short and precise because one of us is nocturnal. We also serve together in church and just hang out. It's like a sitcom where the characters finally figure out how to live together without driving each other crazy!!

Then there was an issue with how romance was expressed by the husband. Sijui prepare her before you meet in the evening, rose flowers, candle-lit dinners – all rumors and motivational speeches. First, the husband was and is a busy finance guy, and I was/am a busy auditor. Second, I had married a young man from a village in Mbooni, and he had married a ghetto girl from Mwiki. Mapenzi za preparation for evening mchana could not work for us, and we quickly navigated this romance thing like the Pokot bandits. We had to get creative with our romance – like turning our power outages into candle-lit dinners (thanks, Kenya Power!) and using our car rides to work as our version of date nights.

We disagreed about everything in our early years, including how the house was to be arranged. We are 2 choleric firstborns, a bit stiff necked & headstrong and we were building a little Gaza of a home, but thank God for His Word, it deals with the hard hearts and aligns us.
In our third year, through to our seventh, we experienced a monster of a season. For seven long years, we yearned for children, our hearts aching with every passing day. By the seventh year, we had joyfully coupled with four families, each blessed with beautiful children. For seven years, we faithfully served in the family ministry at church, surrounded by families, children, and pregnant friends and strangers. Yet, we were struggling with a seemingly endless wait. We were a whirlwind of emotions—anxious, hopeful, angry at and with God, fearful, and our faith wavering. We questioned God, believed in His Word one moment, and doubted it the next. It was a difficult and overwhelming time, but through it all, God graciously blessed us with the gift of parenthood in 2021 and again in 2023. Today, ‘gently parenting’ Mumo and Wema

My journey in 10 years of marriage has been nothing short of an adventure. Imagine a ride on Kenyan roads: some parts are flood-filled potholes that make you question your life choices, some bits are dusty and bumpy enough to give you an impromptu massage, and then there are those rare stretches like the expressway where you feel like you're gliding on air. Through it all, God has been my gracious chauffeur, navigating me through the chaos and the calm. Enter Mumo & Wema, my little bundles of joy who have taught me that parenting is often romanticized. These two have shown me that parenting toddlers requires an abundance of grace and a gentle heart. I'm praying for a gentle heart because, let's face it, parenting toddlers is like trying to herd cats – adorable, but utterly chaotic
 

To many untold stories ahead..........4 years post my last blog

It's been four years since I last published a blog post. Life's been pretty wild with lots of changes, challenges, and growth opportunities keeping me busy and away from writing.
When I first started blogging, it was my way to share my thoughts and experiences with everyone. It was my creative outlet, a way to heal, connect with like-minded folks, and express myself outside of the daily grind.

Even though I took a break, my love for blogging never went away. I often thought about what I wanted to write, the stories I wanted to tell, and the conversations I hoped to start. Now, in 2025, I'm super excited to get back into it with new energy.

Last time I blogged, I wasn't a parent yet. But now, I've got two awesome kids: a four-year-old son and a two-year-old daughter. They've added a whole new level of fun and craziness to my life.

Looking back at these four years, I am grateful that God has faithfully carried us through. I've made strides in my career, built stronger relationships, and had amazing new experiences. Even without writing, I’ve been growing so much personally and professionally.

As I dive back into blogging, I'm thrilled to reconnect with all of you. There’s so much to share, and I can’t wait to continue this journey together.

Here’s to new beginnings and all the untold stories ahead!

Anxious Thoughts, Anyone?

I have, in a previous blog shared how I overcome fear and anxiety in late 2017. 

 A few weeks ago, I found myself in a new murky cycle of anxiety and fear with bouts of high blood pressure, and that really freaked me out. 

If you are waiting on God for anything: could be healing, or salvation of a loved one, or a job, or a spouse/child to turn around, or a pregnancy, or like me adoption, and you have been praying and the heavens seem quiet on you, find encouragement in the below: 

•  God is a good Father. He will not with-hold any of His gifts from us. 
• God is with us, we should neither fear nor get dismayed because He has strengthened us for the wait, He is helping us, He is upholding us with His righteous right hand.
• When the timing is perfect, the Lord will make it happen. The healing/salvation/job/spouse/child, whatever it is you are trusting God for will happen/come when the timing is right. 
• God has supplied us with joy, peace and grace for the waiting season. We only need to meditate on scripture and as the Word transforms us, the peace that surpasses human understanding will transcend on us. 

  May you have a joyful and peaceful 2nd week of December ♥️♥️

Answering some interesting (read weird) comments and questions people ask about adoption:

I. Wait!!! First, do not adopt, I have this doktari/ prophet/ medicine man/ witch 

a)   People do not just wake up and decide to adopt. Most have walked the lonely journey of infertility, visited dozens of clinics, they have prayed and have been prayed for and some have drunk gallons of bitter herbs. So, please, go slow on the recommendations

b)   Some people, like us neither believe nor engage in witchcraft.

II. “Now that you are adopting, you will for sure get pregnant. 

a)   Please don’t assume it. Most adopting couples have grieved and healed from the loss that comes with infertility. The journey to healing is usually bumpy and uncertain, with many crushed hopes evidenced by the monthly flow. Go slow on such comments

III. Why have you given up in God?

a)   Is it possible to give up on a God who grants us the miracle of incomprehensible peace and joy? Is it possible to be truly be peaceful when you have given up on the giver and creator of these spiritual gifts?

b)   Why would anyone give up on the all wise God who performs the miracle of; healing our broken hearts, helping us stick through together then giving us the deep desire to adopt, not one but many children? Why would anyone give up on such a good Father?

c)   Adoption is God’s will. The devil would never give anyone the desire to want to love and take care of children they have not given birth to.

  IV. Have you selected the baby yet?

a)   No, we have not. It’s illegal to walk into a children’s home and select a child for adoption. Only registered Adoption Agencies place children in families, additionally only the High Court can grant an adoption order. Adoption is both a social and a legal process and it starts at the Adoption Agency, not the Children’s Home.

V. Can you really afford adopting a child in this country?

a)   In Kenya, you are not allowed to buy a child. Any person who gives money/ any valuable in exchange of a child engages in child trafficking and commits a crime.

b)   However, adoption being a legal process, most people prefer engaging a lawyer in the later stages for the court procedures. The legal fees are fair and negotiable.

VI. What if you get your own children, will you be able to love the adopted ones?

a)   Child birth and adoption are mutually exclusive. You cannot adopt to replace a child you wish you birthed. An adopted child is a child in their full capacity and should never be a Plan B. All adopting parents must first heal from the grief of childlessness/infertility.

b)   I am not a parent yet but from my interaction with adoptive parents (those with adopted and biological children), I think Biology is the least of what makes someone a parent. Love makes one a good parent. We have all seen many bio-parents abandon/ abuse/ neglect their children giving me the conclusion that love is more emotional than physical. The bond you form with a child has nothing to do with whether the child is biological or adopted; it has everything to do with the experiences you share together. The same is true with your spouse, in-laws, pets, friends, and anyone else in your life whom you love dearly but don’t share a blood relation with. 

Hope you enjoy this read, Lots of love.

Married, No Children…………. Remain Married!!!

“Be fruitful and multiply. . .” (Genesis 1:28). The command to procreate appears ingrained in the fiber of our being and the inability to conceive causes great pain; emotionally, intellectually, physically, and spiritually.

I think life disappointments and the prospects of unrealized expectations occur often in life and they are usually traumatic, but never quite to the degree that infertility is.

If you are a childless couple, there are steps you can take to enhance your relationship so that it grows and thrives.

1.      Honor your marriage vows- Be a team, you are to stick it out in good times and in bad times. Always approach the issues as a team, working together and finding ways to share responsibility regarding treatment. Do not blame each other, Protect your spouse!

 

2.    Separate baby-making from love- I’ll be honest, Infertility is a mood killer. Try to keep the sex alive. Plan romantic encounters and understand that sexual intimacy does not have to mean intercourse (how true is that?). Purpose to enjoy sex. Sexual union places the marriage relationship in a category apart from any other human relationship.

3.      Identify individual coping styles under stress- Childlessness and infertility involves many emotions; intense feelings of anger, anxiety, frustration, helplessness, loneliness, grief, envy, and even depression. Accept the differences in how each of you handles and deals with your feelings to lessen conflicts. 

Naturally, men and women will feel and deal differently with infertility. However, different doesn’t mean better or worse; it only means not the same.

4.      Give your spouse some breathing space- Understand that couples are rarely at the same place, at the same time, especially during infertility treatment.

5.      Together, make Important Decisions and Create A Plan- If you decide to pursue fertility treatment as a priority, but use all your money on vacations, you will likely not get any closer to success. Fertility Treatment is expensive and insurance does not cover it. 

Be assertive in deciding what you want and do not want to do. You have the right to make your own decisions including treatment. 

Remain married regardless of childlessness and infertility.

Healing from the Heart Break of Waiting - Lessons from a semi-decade

32 got me excited to share what our journey of waiting has been like. I pray that God uses this blog to reach out to many ladies and families struggling in silence. From my last blog, I received many messages thanking me for sharing what most of us cannot.

These few Truths saw me start the healing process late in 2017. May you be encouraged.

In God, there is no wasted pain. In my last blog, we saw that pain is an important agent of change, it equips us for ministry as it produces perseverance, character and hope.I should guard my heart. Peace and joy are fragile, these, I diligently guard.

Sis, if you do not have the strength to attend baby showers, children parties, etc., you are allowed to say NO, thank you. Know your stress triggers.

God owes me nothing, not even children. I am just but a jar of clay, He is the potter. If He chooses to give children, Hallelujah. If He decides not to give, He remains God, in whom I have my being.

Because God has given graces for every situation/ season, I choose joy.  I was born worthy and I remain worthy; not having children does not change that.

 

Everyone has their struggle (thorn in the flesh). Mine is not having children. God has given all of us enough grace to handle our thorns.

 

Sis……………...If you are: In deep pain, with your personal and work life in shreds, and your self-esteem in the toilet, and friends and family becoming alien to you, unable to sleep (or sleeping too much), unable to eat (or eating too much), unable to read, unable to watch a movie, unable to step out, I have been there, but In God I found my healing. Try Him.

The WAIT

1.  Pain is good – I have learnt that pain is not an interruption to my story, it is a part of it and it’s an important part of it, because pain is not only inevitable, it is also the greatest agent of change. Suffering produces perseverance, perseverance produces character, and character produces hope. Hope does not disappoint.

2.   Pain changes us- The thing about childlessness is that people never think not getting pregnant is the miracle. We all think that the miracle is in the getting pregnant. That's the ideal. But the honest truth is that I am eagerly waiting to adopt a baby. Adoption was never part of our plan, but I have infertility to thank for the family we shall have. I believe that our healed hearts, sticking through this season together and not getting pregnant was our miracle.

3.   God is interested in our hearts- The desire to have children is not wrong, but where was it seated in my heart? How did it define my worth and my purpose? For years I thought and believed that having children would lead me into a life of meaning, but I have since learnt that this is not how God defines my worth, and it’s definitely not how He defines your worth.

4.   God is sovereign- He has power and authority over nature, earthly kings, history, angels, and demons. In His Sovereignty, He decides how to fill your quiver, conventionally through birth, but unconventionally through adoption and fostering. His ultimate goal is for us to bring up a godly generation.

In Conclusion:

God's power is not displayed only through supernatural physical healing. It takes a far more creative and powerful God to bring beauty and healing to brokenness that doesn't get a quick fix. Not getting the miracle we think we want can sometimes lead to miracles that are immeasurably more than we could ask or imagine. Our desire to adopt 3 children is proof.