Dating: Passion and Purity

First, a Christian is simply someone who follows Jesus, who calls upon Jesus Christ as his or her Lord as well as Savior (Rom. 10:9). Similarly, Christianity is an ongoing journey of discipleship to Jesus. From those definitions, we can conclude that a Christian relationship is a close friendship between two Christians involving romantic feelings.

I want to, in deep humility, share a few Christian dating tips that helped us date in purity, acknowledging that, I have neither attained nor perfected; but I press on, that I may lay hold of that for which Christ Jesus has also laid hold of me.

1.   Love the Lord your God:

“You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength” (Mark 12:30). It is not possible to truly love anyone else if you do not love God first and most. And no one will truly love you if they do not love God more than they love you.

Jesus Christ must capture our hearts; we find our deepest joy in him. We hide our soul in Him and stop trying to save or prove ourselves. We devote our minds to knowing him more and more and plead with him to conform our mind and will to his. We put all our strength into his goal and plan for our life: to make disciples who love him with all their heart, soul, mind, and strength.

Do you want to date and marry well? Listen to Jesus, and “love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength.” Seek him first (Matthew 6:33), and dating will be added according to his perfect plan and timing.

If your girlfriend or boyfriend claims to love the Lord but his value system is contrary to scripture, take that as a red flag. If they are living in willful sin and are never repentant, question their faith too.

John 14 vs. 15: If ye love me, keep my commandments. To love God is to obey His Word. This leads me to my next point:

2.   Do not be unequally yoked:

2 Corinthians 6 vs. 14: Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers: for what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness? And what communion hath light with darkness?

Deuteronomy 7 vs. 3-4: Moses warns the Israelites against marrying foreign women as they enter the Promised Land. They rationalized, they disobeyed, and they married the foreign women forming covenants between themselves and people who neither knew nor served God. In so doing, they were led astray.

Christians uniting themselves to people who do not love, follow, or submit to Christ is direct disobedience. This rubs people the wrong way, because no matter how loving, kind, respectful, sweet, romantic an unbelieving partner is, she/he still is at odds with Christ, if we call ourselves Christians, then the Bible is our final authority.

It is also very important to consider a partner's close friendships. 1 Corinthians 15 vs. 33, Bad Company corrupts good character. Friends are a strong indicator of a partner’s character because two people cannot walk together unless they agree (Amos 3 vs.3)

God cares about our relationships because He cares about us. He cares about our purity because that is what keeps us in a relationship with Him! Our holiness preaches the gospel louder than our words. Unequal yoking hinders our walk with God – the one thing we need more than anything else.

3.   Accountability:

I think the term — accountability — has dried out and gone stale in modern dating, but Scripture calls us to be authentically, deeply, consistently known by someone who cares enough to keep us from making mistakes or indulging in sin.

God has placed you into other believers’ lives for your own good. First, to be encouraged: “We urge you, brothers, admonish the idle, encourage the fainthearted, help the weak, be patient with them all” (1 Thessalonians 5:14). To get challenged and corrected; “Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly, teaching and admonishing one another in all wisdom” (Colossians 3:16). And to be built up: “Therefore encourage one another and build one another up” (1 Thessalonians 5:11).

Dating often isolates us from other Christians in our lives. The closer we become with a boyfriend or girlfriend, the further we move from other important relationships. Satan loves this and encourages it at every turn. One way to walk wisely in dating is to oppose absolutely everything Satan might want for you. Fight the impulse to date in a corner by yourselves, and instead draw one another into those important relationships.

Double down on family and friends — with affection, intentionality, and communication — while you’re dating. They can see some things that love blinds you to see.

4.  Disclosure:

In cases of past sin, I am a firm believer that God forgives and restores, 2 Corinthians 5 vs. 17: If any man be in Christ, he is a new creature: old things are passed away; behold, all things are become new.

In dating, when you reach a point in a relationship when you know that you are heading down the road to "Serious-ville" (marriage), then it is time to prepare for two becoming one.  And if you are contemplating this kind of commitment, I'm of the camp that you will need to open the door to whatever you are holding close, protecting or keeping in a safe place.  Your future spouse is getting ready to join his or her life to yours and vice versa, so you need to know who and what you are going to be investing your life in.

I believe that partners should disclose the below as soon as they are comfortable and peaceful with each other:

Ø  Past sex habits; Pornography, masturbation, fornication, homosexuality etc.

Ø  Prior marriages; Come-we-stay, traditional, civil or even church marriages

Ø  Children conceived with former partners.

Ø  Incomes/ Liabilities/ Assets etc.

Ø  Responsibilities tied to income- e.g. paying siblings school fees etc.

Ø  Terminal illnesses.

I acknowledge that it is really hard for two young, hormone-filled people who are intensely attracted to each other to keep their hands off each other. Initially in our first few months of dating, pursuing purity in our relationship was a real struggle and a constant battle, however, through accountability and focusing on God, we found a way to keep our hands off each other and honour God and each other with our bodies.

If you have fallen into sexual sin and are willing to pick up and start of a clean slate, Jehova is gracious, and He will forgive once you confess your sin. It will be very important for the two of you seek accountability and walk with a mature Christian couple.

These tips are not exhaustive, please share more on how you kept pure, what you have seen work for others, and what you believe should work when you get there.

Facing and Dealing with Anxiety

I am sure that we all have personal experiences with anxiety. In 2017, I had nerve-wracking anxiety that escalated after I stopped working. I realized I had a problem when late into 2017, I called mum and burst into an uncontrollable, emotional cry.

I had been fighting some emotionally draining private battles in the year and I was very angry at God. I stopped believing, I gave up on prayers, and I quit fellowship. In my mind, I was convinced that God was on an evil mission, a wicked quest to hurt and break me in all the possible ways He could. And I was bitter. I struggled to understand: Why a good God would not answer His child’s prayers, why a good God allowed emotional and psychological torment? why and when this good God stopped answering prayers? Was He even a good God? I kept wondering.

But, I had a conversation with mum that helped me regain some sanity. I realized I was slowly sinking into depression and immediately considered therapy. However, by God’s grace, I was able to face my situation and deal. 

As promised, here is how I have managed to handle anxiety;

1.     Learning my anxiety triggers: I realized that for me anxiety mirrors a silent free fall from a five-storey building—that ends in black-hole. It is a stealthy, sneaky, impossible-to-predict predator, and can hide around a corner in a brightly lit moment, waiting to take me unaware.

I have learnt to:

Ø  Speak out. I am learning to verbally express my feelings, fears, and worries to the people around me.

Ø  Distract myself enough to stop my slide off that five-storey ledge. I usually take myself for a coffee date or go for a walk in the malls

Ø  Take control of my thoughts, feelings, and behaviour by audibly speaking positive words to counter every negative thought.

Ø  Take responsibility for my actions and appreciate that choices have consequences, and that is simply life.

2. Appreciating that everyone is fighting a battle: Disappointments, setbacks, discouragement, failure, comes in many and varied forms. It’s difficult to recognize this plain truth as it is incredibly easy to be focused on our own suffering. 

At any given point each and every one of us carries some type of burden; to one, it could be divorce, to another loneliness, and another a terminal illness. Understanding that we are all fighting different battles helps me appreciate that disappointments, setbacks, discouragement and failures are a reality about living. 

3.    God is good: Are there times in your life when you did not understand why certain things were happening to you? Did it almost feel like God had rejected you? If so, your experience is common. In Psalm 74: 1, Asaph opens with this question: ‘Why have you rejected us forever, O God?’

In Luke 18:19, Jesus reminds us that God is good. To say that God is good means that God always acts in accordance with what is right, true, and good. Goodness is part of God’s nature, and He cannot contradict His nature. He has no evil in Him, His intentions and motivations are always good, He always does what is right, and the outcome of His plan is always good (Genesis 50:20). There is nothing unpleasant, evil, or dark in Him.

David in Psalm 119:68 notes that God’s goodness extends from His nature to everything that He does. “The LORD is good and His love endures forever; His faithfulness continues through all generations” (Psalm 100:5). God only creates what is good, because He is fully good and He cannot be tempted by evil, nor does he tempt anyone” (James 1:13)

I settled it in my heart, mind and soul, even when it does not look like it, God is GOOD, and whatever He allows my way, His intentions for me are Good.

4.    Being Thankful: The day I shifted focus from what was not working out to what working, I became cognizant of how blessed and privileged I was. I have many things to be grateful for; Good health, a family, friends, food on the table, a roof over my head, a place to lie down and many many other blessings. 

Thanksgiving—the giving of thanks—to God for all His blessings is our core duty as believers. We must not allow a spirit of ingratitude to harden our heart and chill our relationship with God and with others. Nothing turns us into anxious and dissatisfied people more quickly than an ungrateful heart. And nothing will do more to restore contentment and the joy of our salvation than a true spirit of thankfulness.

5.    God of Peace and Joy: I also realized that God is able to grant us peace and joy in every situation. The Apostle Paul, separated from friends, unjustly accused, brutally treated—with every right to complain, urges the church in Philippi not to be anxious anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present their requests to God so that His peace which transcends all understanding guards their hearts and minds in Christ Jesus

In John 14:27, Jesus Christ promised to give us a peace that this world cannot give.

I learnt to make my requests known to God and have indeed experienced peace and joy in the year 2018.

6.    Understanding that Christian Suffering is purposeful: Even though many things in life will hurt and be unexplainable, God occasionally (perhaps often) shines purposeful light into our darkness. If you’re hurting right now, that might be difficult to believe. In her book, ‘When a good God allows rape’ Joy Tan-chi sheds light on how God has used her gang rape pain and healing experience to reach out to many abused women globally.

After a season of grieving, many find comfort in knowing that God can use even tragedies to bring about good. Ephesians 1:11 [God] works out everything in conformity with the purpose of His will.

Paul reminds us that Christ comforts us in our suffering so we can comfort others (2 Corinthians 1:3–5). As we look to God for comfort and hope in suffering, He spurs us to comfort others who are being afflicted with the same comfort we’ve received from Him.

I settled it my heart, mind and soul that God is with me in every season of my life, working everything conformity with the purpose of His will.

May you find God's peace and joy in whatever season you are in.

Lots of Love from me ❤❤❤

My Stay- at- Home Routine

If you told me years ago that I was going to be a stay-at-home wife, I would have rolled my eyes and sneered. When doing my thesis, I found myself unemployed -- and overly anxious. 

I was stressed and tensed. I was concerned, too; first, about what I’d be doing at home, and second, how my future employers would view my work history. I worried about gaps in my resume.  But I had a deeper distress: "I thought about my peers, how hard they were working, and how high and fast they were climbing the corporate ladder"

In today’s blog, I will share how I’ve tried to keep productive, even in my trepidation. In my next blog, I will share how I managed to deal with anxiety.

Immediately I lost my job, I came up with a priorities list, and had a working routine that mostly involved school. After graduation, I had more time in my hands, I almost went bonkers, I’d toss and turn in bed till noon, wake up overwhelmed and anxious about what the future holds.

Then a friend encouraged me to get back to having a daily routine. I took time to determine the most important things in my life, and especially in this season, which are- God, Marriage, Getting a job, Losing weight and getting fit, Serving, Growing deeper relationships and friendships.

I thought it might be helpful if I shared my weekday routine schedule. I hope it will spur someone to get some order in their life.

Monday- Friday Routine

Ø  Wake up at reasonably early for a Stay at Home; For me, this is when hubby wakes up, but not later than 6:30 am. I immediately dress in my work out outfit and get psychologically ready for exercise

Ø  Quick fix breakfast; I usually have a week’s stock of sweet potatoes and pancakes in the fridge. Bread, eggs, last night’s leftovers make part of our breakfast. Our culture is to always take breakfast together.

Ø  Devotion; I do my quiet time for 30 – 60 minutes; I have been using CITAM’s Safari guides so I can be consistent in Bible reading. I also use this time to prepare for two of my weekly bible study meetings. 

Ø  Exercise: If am doing a morning run, I usually skip breakfast and devotion to after hitting the road. However, I prefer HIIT home workouts, and so on most days, I exercise after devotion, for a maximum of 1 hour.

Ø  Shower and Dress Up; I bet that every Stay-at-Home has found themselves wearing the same track pants from 2 nights before. No shame in this, I’m guilty too! But I have purposed to make a conscious effort to wear something that makes me feel good and confident. Mostly, this is some nice denim and tops. Once or twice a week I do my face and hair routines.

Ø Read a book; I challenged myself to cultivate a reading habit. I am struggling here but I strive to read a book for an hour a day. I was never book junkie but I have realized I enjoy reading biographies. I get most of the books on Kindle. On days when am not reading, I watch Vlogs, Ted Talk, Documentaries, check out any new job openings.

Ø  House Chores: Depending on the day of the week, I’ll either do laundry or dust. I recently started weeding my handful of flowers. I also prepare meals from scratch and cook. J

Ø  Host or visit a friend/ run errand/ new recipes; For my afternoons, I always ensure that am either visiting someone, or am out running errands, or am trying out a new recipe. I am more intentional on growing my relationships so am usually looking for someone to hang out with.

I recently came back to blogging and it’s consuming a lot of my time. I know my routine will change but am working at keeping a time plan as much as I can possibly do so.

If your life is currently not structured, consider getting a morning routine. Scribble five things you need and want to do each morning. These could be exercise, reading, praying and cleaning up the kitchen, feeding the kids breakfast, preparing lunches, dinners etc. Whatever those things are, commit to starting up early and consistently do them for three weeks. 

If you are trusting God for a job or a business idea, just know that you are where God wants you to be at this point in your life. Make the best out of your today!!!!

Thriving and Saving on a Single Family Income

It’s been slightly over one year since I became a stay at home wife (a story for another day). Being a stay at home wife was never my dream and I was apprehensive when I started this trek. Staying at home means that we live off one income and have to find creative ways to pinch pennies and make our money stretch.

Philippians 4:12

Living on one income isn’t always palpable, but it is doable. We’re currently a one income family and have had to become creative with our finances so that we save a few coins here and there.

Living on my husband’s income has enriched our lives deeply and we’ve cultivated money mastery tips that we hope to keep even when I go back to work. In addition, we have experienced the kind of peace and joy lavished on Paul in Philippians 4:12; being content in whatever circumstance.

Few of our real-life downsizing and money saving tips:

Ø  Quit the gym. We’ve been equipping our space with workout/gym equipment gradually; one by one, piece by piece. We also learnt to incorporate cheap/free outdoor activities like cycling, running/ jogging/walking. Apart from saving us money, being out, we get to spend more time together and bond more. Karura Forest works for us, it's quite affordable.

Ø  Meal Plan. With a menu laid out beforehand we know exactly what to shop for, we buy everything we need for the week in one trip. Knowing exactly what you want to buy also ensures that you aren’t grabbing random items off the shelf on a whim, which is a huge money waster. In addition, we have become intentional on varied, nutritious meals, with very little wastage.

Ø  Strategic Eat Outs. Eating out is a huge money sucker and if you are like us who love trying out new restaurants, you will agree that eat-outs come with cash drain. We have learnt to eat main meals at home before stepping out; once in a restaurant, we snack or have drinks. That way, we are able to randomly pop in and out of all these trendy restaurants. Once in a while thou, we eat out, but that has to be budgeted for.

Ø DIY hair and makeup. Just like the gym equipment, I have progressively, invested in good quality hair products and makeup. I wash, condition and straighten my hair in the house. If I need the hair braided, Kenyatta market has worked for me. For my pinch face-beat, there are many YouTubers, their Vlogs come through for me. I try out their home products facial routine care, makeup routine, etc, and some have worked well.

Ø  Slowed down on the cleaning lady. Our cleaning lady only comes in thrice a month. I DIY our laundry in the last week of the month so I can save up for a decent manicure. I also make sure that am always in my pair of kitchen gloves when doing house chores to keep the hands and nails lit.  

The key to happiness (besides knowing Jesus) is being grateful for what you have now and not needing more to make you complete!!!! 

What is your favourite tip or trick to save money as a stay-at-home wife/mom/job seeking lady? I’d love to know!!!

Sister in the pew across mine

Dear sister in the pew across mine:

I see the way you grip your hands when you see your younger siblings take over the corporate scene. I see the way you try not to cry as you watch your younger sister get married. I see the way you lean your head back blinking back tears as your best friend brings forth new life into this world. I see the way you stare straight ahead, willing not to think about it.

I see you. 

When my husband and I walk into that church meeting, your eyes catch mine and then quickly look away. Turning from the sight of someone who has what you want. Anything to keep from dwelling on what you want, but you do not have.

I see you at the grocery store, too. At the park. At the restaurant. At the work party, the neighborhood potluck, the family reunion.

But somehow it feels even more painful when I see you at church. Maybe it’s because I know you’ll have to sit in that wedding ceremony for a whole hour, not just one quick turn down the store’s aisle or a sidewalk’s length at the park.

Let me encourage you, I also have that one thorn in the flesh that I wish the Lord would take away.

I am sitting right where you are (maybe at a different angle) - musing over an invisible pain, a pain I cannot talk about.

Praying with Aryuv balled in my fists, praying with tears at the corners of my eyes, praying for the strength not to envy, praying for this to be the year, praying to a God I cling to and yell at, all at once.

I can guess know the way you’re thinking; because I too do question God’s agility, will He ever heal this invisible pain? A God I wish I could see and touch. 

I wish I could tell you it gets better. I wish I could make these miracles happen for us. I wish I could prophesy an end to your pain, I wish I could take away all these thorns.

I get bogged down by the load I find myself carrying, and am just unable to pray for myself, but when the praying giant arises, I pray for you – and I assure you: I see you in your invisible pain. 

So while you’re sitting there at church on Sunday, feeling alone in your pew and alone in your heart, remember that someone out here sees you and prays for you.

But things can start to shift once we start seeing each other. 

In my invisible pain, the Lord reminded me this passage of scripture:

Jeremiah 29: ⁴ This is what the Lord Almighty, the God of Israel, says to all those I carried into exile from Jerusalem to Babylon: ⁵ “Build houses and settle down; plant gardens and eat what they produce. ⁶ Marry and have sons and daughters; find wives for your sons and give your daughters in marriage, so that they too may have sons and daughters. Increase in number there; do not decrease. ⁷ Also, seek the peace and prosperity of the city to which I have carried you into exile. Pray to the Lord for it, because if it prospers, you too will prosper.” ⁸ Yes, this is what the Lord Almighty, the God of Israel, says. ¹⁰ This is what the Lord says: “When seventy years are completed for Babylon, I will come to you and fulfill my good promise to bring you back to this place. ¹¹ For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. ¹² Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. ¹³ You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. ¹⁴ I will be found by you,” declares the Lord, “and will bring you back from captivity.^[b] I will gather you from all the nations and places where I have banished you,” declares the Lord, “and will bring you back to the place from which I carried you into exile.”

Ø We are to increase in this season of exile, we are to seek the Peace of God and the fruition  of God’s purposes,

Ø God still has great plans for us, and in His timing, maybe today, or tomorrow, or in twenty years’ time, He shall fulfill His good promises to us.

Lots of Love and Grace.

YOKES AND BULLOCKS

I found myself reading Proverbs 31 again, hating on this woman, she's too perfect to be human, This woman, Maybe she was Solo’s fantasy after fizzled escapades with a thousand mamasitas. Truth be told thou’ I admire this woman, and she’s part of my life goals. Who were her friends anyway? Who was her greatest influence? Did she look up to someone? Maybe, just maybe she was born noble.

God has been pointing out the power of godly friendships and the need to simply walk out of some relationships. The purpose of any godly relationship/ friendship is to produce power. When two people are in agreement about what they believe for, nothing will be impossible for them, Jesus in Matt. 18:19 tells us that if two of us agree on earth concerning anything our Heavenly Father will do it for us, But Amos 3:3 queries on the possibility of two people walking together if they do not agree, what is this they are to agree on? If we are of the household of Faith, then we must agree on Christ as Lord over our all, the core goal of all our friendships should be to honor God.

Paul in 2nd Corinthians 6:14 warns us against being yoked together with unbelievers, but does this mean that we should not associate with them who are not born again yet Jesus himself tells us that we are in the world? A yoke is a wooden bar that joins two oxen to each other and to the burden they pull. An “unequally yoked” team has one stronger ox and one weaker, or one taller and one shorter. The weaker or shorter ox walks more slowly than the taller, stronger one, causing the load to go around in circles. When oxen are unequally yoked, they cannot perform the task set before them. Instead of working together, they are at odds with one another. The truth is that the unbelieving world is governed by the principles of Satan and that Christians should be separate from that wicked world, just as Christ was separate from all the methods, purposes, and plans of the world. He had no participation in them; He formed no union with them. 

Attempting to live a Christian life with a non-Christian for our close/ friend (BFF) and ally will only cause us go around in circles, hence the need for intentional boundaries in the case of inevitable relationships like work, or business situations. We are in the world Yes, but we are not of the world, He who lives in us clearly says that if we love Him, then we must obey Him, and that is the tough truth about friendships.

Authentic friendships develop over time as both friends progress in wisdom and spiritual maturity, they are an investment, Strong Christian friendships blossoms when two friends grow together in faith, goodness, knowledge, and other godly graces. They must be built on nothing less but Jesus Christ and Righteousness. I strongly believe the Proverbs 31 woman kept authentic Godly friendships, she feared the Lord, no wonder she’ll be eternally praised.

Joshua 1: ⁸ Keep this Book of the Law always on your lips; meditate on it day and night, so that you may be careful to do everything written in it. Then you will be prosperous and successful.

Loads of Love,

To more intentional friendships!!!!

God's Unfailing Love

Today I share on a few things I have been learning.

Ø  We all have a story to tell and a wound to heal, a deeper glance into these reveal a beautiful reality.

My short life has been marked by some unprecedented heartbreaks, having to say good-bye to some friendships, made terrible mistakes, sunk into shame, guilt and emotional pain. In these moments, I have known and felt God’s warm embrace, experienced His deep love and mercy and I have found healing. I don't know what your story looks like but, you are uniquely poised for this very moment, to share an intimate part of God's character, this the place of untold stories, the place of healing rain, it’s a sacred ground.

Ø  It is okay not to be okay. In my ‘not okay’ moments I have known  God as my safe place, my home, my shelter, my strong tower, my song, the oxygen in my weary lungs, my protector, my strength and shield, my hope,  my God

I have learnt that when I fall, I must always get up again! Always confess up again! Always pray up again! Always live up again! Always look up again!  James 4:8, "and He will draw nigh to you." God has always responded to my repentance, He has always taken the next step toward me after I "draw nigh."

Ø  He is the Lord of the restoration, He has turned my stories and wounds into beautiful realities, in my ‘not okay’ moments, He has breathed in me His Grace, and caused me to exhale His love and Mercy.

When the wild locust has scavenged, and I have walked through dark valleys, He has restored me. Instead of ashes, He has bestowed crowns of beauty, instead of despair He has clothed me with a garment of praise, instead of shame, He has given me a double portion, instead of disgrace, I have rejoice in my inheritance. His love for us, we cannot comprehend.

I pen this to encourage everyone, wife or mother who thinks they have been to hell and back, there is hope in Christ Jesus. 

Loads of love

Shikoh!!