Sister in the pew across mine

Dear sister in the pew across mine:

I see the way you grip your hands when you see your younger siblings take over the corporate scene. I see the way you try not to cry as you watch your younger sister get married. I see the way you lean your head back blinking back tears as your best friend brings forth new life into this world. I see the way you stare straight ahead, willing not to think about it.

I see you. 

When my husband and I walk into that church meeting, your eyes catch mine and then quickly look away. Turning from the sight of someone who has what you want. Anything to keep from dwelling on what you want, but you do not have.

I see you at the grocery store, too. At the park. At the restaurant. At the work party, the neighborhood potluck, the family reunion.

But somehow it feels even more painful when I see you at church. Maybe it’s because I know you’ll have to sit in that wedding ceremony for a whole hour, not just one quick turn down the store’s aisle or a sidewalk’s length at the park.

Let me encourage you, I also have that one thorn in the flesh that I wish the Lord would take away.

I am sitting right where you are (maybe at a different angle) - musing over an invisible pain, a pain I cannot talk about.

Praying with Aryuv balled in my fists, praying with tears at the corners of my eyes, praying for the strength not to envy, praying for this to be the year, praying to a God I cling to and yell at, all at once.

I can guess know the way you’re thinking; because I too do question God’s agility, will He ever heal this invisible pain? A God I wish I could see and touch. 

I wish I could tell you it gets better. I wish I could make these miracles happen for us. I wish I could prophesy an end to your pain, I wish I could take away all these thorns.

I get bogged down by the load I find myself carrying, and am just unable to pray for myself, but when the praying giant arises, I pray for you – and I assure you: I see you in your invisible pain. 

So while you’re sitting there at church on Sunday, feeling alone in your pew and alone in your heart, remember that someone out here sees you and prays for you.

But things can start to shift once we start seeing each other. 

In my invisible pain, the Lord reminded me this passage of scripture:

Jeremiah 29: ⁴ This is what the Lord Almighty, the God of Israel, says to all those I carried into exile from Jerusalem to Babylon: ⁵ “Build houses and settle down; plant gardens and eat what they produce. ⁶ Marry and have sons and daughters; find wives for your sons and give your daughters in marriage, so that they too may have sons and daughters. Increase in number there; do not decrease. ⁷ Also, seek the peace and prosperity of the city to which I have carried you into exile. Pray to the Lord for it, because if it prospers, you too will prosper.” ⁸ Yes, this is what the Lord Almighty, the God of Israel, says. ¹⁰ This is what the Lord says: “When seventy years are completed for Babylon, I will come to you and fulfill my good promise to bring you back to this place. ¹¹ For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. ¹² Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. ¹³ You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. ¹⁴ I will be found by you,” declares the Lord, “and will bring you back from captivity.^[b] I will gather you from all the nations and places where I have banished you,” declares the Lord, “and will bring you back to the place from which I carried you into exile.”

Ø We are to increase in this season of exile, we are to seek the Peace of God and the fruition  of God’s purposes,

Ø God still has great plans for us, and in His timing, maybe today, or tomorrow, or in twenty years’ time, He shall fulfill His good promises to us.

Lots of Love and Grace.